LADIES, DIVORCE IS NOT THE END...

One thing that I actually want anyone that has had a failed marriage to do is to begin to see things from a positive angle. I mean when a door closes on a relationship, it’s because it’s destined to end that way-not necessarily because you failed. Even if there were shortcomings on your part…mistakes are there to be learned from.

It is not a time to start giving in to ‘self-pity’ or despair. Love can happen to anyone at any age. The problem is that some of us get so scarred by unpleasant experiences that we become perpetual pessimists. That is rather a defeatist attitude. By all means, take your time to heal but most importantly do not remain down, when you should be up and never use your unpleasant experience with one or two persons to judge everyone that comes your way…it is rather unfair on them. Give each person the benefit of the doubt.

One interesting thing about life is that there is someone that when he or she walks into your life, your only regret will be why your paths did not cross earlier than when it did. So, if you recognise that every ‘ending’ can also be the ‘beginning’ of something (even) better, then you should begin to count it all joy as you embrace life again…dusting ‘the past’ off yourself, as you move on!

However painful your past experiences have been, The most important thing is the lessons therein. What positive adjustments have you made from it all? Has such helped you become a better you or are you perpetually living in the past? Your scars should change and not reduce you.

There comes a time when the lemon that life throws at you should have you asking ‘what can I make out of this’ instead of ‘why me?’ Turn your regrets into lessons and begin to live again.

I keep telling anyone that cares to listen that no situation in life should be powerful enough to take away your laughter permanently. You must get to a point where you not only make up your mind to live, you should also choose to laugh and even love again. It is your right. Take responsibility for your circumstances and move on. Don’t allow the opinions of those that have not walked in your shoes to ‘condition’ you.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay-then it’s not the end’’ –John Lennon. Every incident in life has a purpose and they always turn out to be blessings in the end…you just take the ‘lessons’ with you.

This is life and we often do not end up with what we want; there is nobody that life does not throw bricks at. The brave are the ones that have refused to be kept down. There is life after a divorce; it needs not be the end of happiness for you. Take back your life and make the best out of what’s left of it; shedding every toga of bitterness as you embrace the life ahead.

Your experiences should make you redefine your values. Now you are wise enough to know what never worked for you and may probably not work for you. As we get wiser, whatever we do in life should carry a touch of substance and not superficiality. There is a need to avoid swallowing every pill that comes your way, out of ‘desperation/ loneliness’ or the erroneous belief that you are a ‘second hand’(whatever that means). You will always be someone else’s ‘new’- don’t ever forget that!

BY CHUKWUNETA OBY